“Am I Depressed? Do I Have Anxiety? What Do I Have?”

This is one of the most common questions people ask me.

Often not as a neat sentence, but somewhere in the middle of a session, usually with a mix of confusion and frustration:

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Am I depressed? Or anxious? Or something else?”
“I just want to know what I have.”

Behind these questions is rarely a desire for a label alone. More often, it’s a wish for clarity, reassurance, and a way to make sense of what’s happening internally.

Why we look for a diagnosis

For many people, having a diagnosis can be genuinely helpful.

Naming what you’re experiencing can bring relief. It can turn something frightening and overwhelming into something more understandable.

For example:

• “You’re not broken — this sounds like anxiety.”

• “What you’re experiencing has a name, and you’re not alone.”

Knowing what you’re dealing with can:

• help normalise your experience

• reduce shame (“I’m not weird — my nervous system is just doing its job”)

• give language to what you’re feeling

• open the door to support, strategies, or treatment

Anxiety, for instance, is not a personal failure. It’s a biological response designed to protect us. When it’s triggered too often or too intensely, it can show up as:

• racing thoughts

• constant worry

• tight chest or shallow breathing

• restlessness

• difficulty sleeping

• feeling on edge or easily overwhelmed

Understanding this can be grounding. It can help people learn what supports them, what makes things worse, and how to better show up in daily life — whether that’s through therapy, lifestyle changes, practical strategies, or sometimes medication.

For some, a diagnosis brings permission to take themselves seriously.

When a label starts to feel limiting

At the same time, I’ve also seen how diagnoses can become restrictive.

What can begin as understanding can quietly turn into identity:

• “I can’t do this because I have anxiety.”

• “I’m just an anxious person.”

• “That’s impossible for me — I’m depressed.”

In these moments, the label stops being descriptive and starts being definitive. Instead of explaining an experience, it can shrink what feels possible.

This isn’t because diagnoses are wrong — but because they’re incomplete. They describe patterns, not people. And they can never fully capture someone’s context, history, relationships, or inner world.

“But what if I don’t fit the criteria?”

Another common experience is this one:

You feel anxious.
Your body is tense.
Your mind won’t switch off.
You’re exhausted, irritable, or overwhelmed.

But when you speak to a GP or look things up, you’re told:
“You’re just a bit stressed.”
“You don’t quite meet the criteria.”

This can be deeply invalidating.

It can leave people wondering:

• “Does that mean what I’m feeling isn’t serious enough?”

• “Am I just being dramatic?”

• “If I don’t have a diagnosis, do I still deserve help?”

The reality is that mental health doesn’t work in neat categories. We don’t all sit on one side of a line where suddenly our experience becomes legitimate.

We exist on spectrums. And distress doesn’t become meaningful only once it reaches a diagnostic threshold.

Not fitting criteria does not mean:

• your feelings aren’t real

• your experience doesn’t matter

• you’re not “allowed” to ask for support

You can feel anxious without having an anxiety disorder.
You can feel low without being clinically depressed.
And those experiences can still be painful, disruptive, and worthy of care.

So do you need a diagnosis?

The answer is: it depends.

For some people, a diagnosis brings clarity, validation, and access to support.
For others, it can feel heavy, defining, or unnecessary.

What matters most is not the label itself, but what it does for you.

Does it help you understand yourself with more compassion?
Does it open doors to support or treatment?
Or does it make you feel boxed in, reduced, or stuck?

There is no right answer that fits everyone.

Therapy without a label

You don’t need a diagnosis to talk to a therapist.

You don’t need to know exactly what’s “wrong” to explore how you’re feeling.

Sometimes therapy is about:

• making sense of patterns

• understanding emotional responses

• noticing what your body and mind are communicating

• finding language for experiences that don’t fit neatly into boxes

It’s about meeting you where you are — whether that comes with a diagnosis, uncertainty, or neither.

A gentle reframe

Instead of asking only “What do I have?”, it can sometimes be helpful to ask:

• “What am I experiencing?”

• “What’s been happening in my life?”

• “What feels hard right now?”

These questions don’t replace diagnosis — but they widen the lens.

If you’re unsure

If you’re questioning whether you’re depressed, anxious, or something else entirely, you’re not alone. That uncertainty is often the very thing that brings people to therapy.

You don’t need to have the right words yet.
You don’t need to fit a category.

You just need to start from where you are.