‘You are not your job’ and yet …
Many people spend most of their waking hours at work — and much of the rest recovering from it.
So when something feels off in our working life, it rarely stays contained. It seeps into our energy, our mood, and our sense of who we are.
This is a reflection on finding purpose in your job, especially when work isn’t what you expected it to be.
When building a career doesn’t feel like fulfilment
When I first moved to London, I came with a clear plan.
Build a career.
Work hard.
Make money.
Make it.
And yet, over time, I found myself not really liking what I was doing on a daily basis.
Not in a dramatic, crisis-driven way.
More as a quiet, persistent sense of misalignment.
This is often how job dissatisfaction begins :not with burnout, but with a dull sense that something doesn’t quite fit.
“You are not your job” — and why that’s only partly true
We often hear that we are not our jobs. And emotionally, this can be comforting.
But it can also overlook something important.
Most of us spend the majority of our day working. And when we’re not working, we’re often recovering from it — waiting for the weekend, trying to rest enough to do it all again.
So while our worth isn’t defined by our job, our work has a real impact on our wellbeing. When work lacks meaning, it can leave us feeling disconnected, flat, or quietly lost.
The pressure to “make it”
For some people, purpose at work comes from:
progression
financial security
responsibility
recognition
For them, working with spreadsheets, data, and presentations — even helping large companies make more money — can feel genuinely satisfying. There is meaning in problem-solving, delivering good work, and being valued for it.
For others, that same work can feel dull or draining.
Not because it’s objectively wrong.
But because it doesn’t press their buttons.
This is where many people start questioning what gives work meaning, and whether purpose is something we can choose — or something we feel.
Commuting as a daily test of fit
Living and working in a city like London can amplify these questions.
The commute alone can feel like survival of the fittest:
crowded platforms, packed Tube carriages, balancing coffee, laptop and gym bag before 8am.
For some, this brings a buzz — momentum, energy, a sense of being part of something fast and important.
For others, it already feels like too much before the day has even begun.
Neither response is right or wrong. They simply reveal something about what fits and what doesn’t.
Different people, different sources of purpose
Purpose at work is deeply personal.
For some, it comes from:
achievement
structure
status
financial independence
For others, it comes from:
connection
helping people directly
creativity
contribution rather than growth
The difficulty often begins when we assume there is a correct version of purpose — or when we keep trying to care deeply about something that simply doesn’t matter to us in the same way.
Staying in a job that doesn’t satisfy you
Many people remain in jobs that are not what they expected.
They stay because:
leaving feels risky
they’ve invested years already
things look good on paper
they feel they should be grateful
Over time, this can lead to a subtle loss — not necessarily of motivation, but of self. A feeling of drifting, or of becoming slightly disconnected from what matters.
This is often when people start searching for purpose in their career, or wondering how to stay in a job without losing themselves to it.
What actually gives work a sense of purpose?
Often, it’s not the job itself, but the relationship we have with it.
Questions that can help clarify this include:
Does this work align with what I value right now?
Does it give me enough back for what it takes?
Does it leave space for other parts of my life to exist?
If the answer is no, the task may not be to quit immediately — but to find ways to remain without disappearing entirely.
If you’re feeling lost in your work
Feeling lost in relation to work doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It often means something important is asking for attention.
You may not have answers yet.
You may not know what comes next.
But noticing that something isn’t working is already a form of orientation.
And perhaps the work is not to make your job your entire identity — but also not to ignore how much of your life it touches.
A question to sit with
What gives you a sense of purpose at work — and what slowly drains it?
And if your job isn’t the place where meaning lives right now, how can you make sure it doesn’t take all of you with it?
